My reason Why.

This is going to be a little different from what I normally like to put out there. I immanently believe the beauty of growing up is not the concept of “realizing” who you really are but more “coming to terms” with who you really are. But it’s a whole process in which you’ll come crashing and stumbling into many brick walls, intentionally and unintentionally. You’ll also weed out people who were only just meant to be temporary and those who were meant to have a much more permanent stamp on your life.

I’m inherently a good speaker. I know how to start up a conversation, continue it and I’m good with speaking in front of crowds. And although I like to believe I’m a decent writer who can communicate my feelings, verbally though, I am horrible at putting my feelings into words. But that’s why I resort to written words to communicate how I feel because I don’t know any other way.

This piece is a dedication of gratitude to those that have stuck by me through and through and at the same time, an apology to all those I’ve hurt because I was unable to properly and appropriately put my feelings into words.

First and foremost, my parents, both commendable individuals, and by this I mean as separate individuals. I’ve watched both my parents march to the beat of their own drums, push through regardless of whatever disastrous circumstance was to come their way even if it was one another. I’ve watched them put my brother and me first regardless of the level of sacrifice needed. A life of what if’s that has gone unanswered simply because they believed we could do better. Imagine that. The ability to put another completely before yourself with no grounds of validation and to completely deflate your ego because you love someone enough to entirely root for them to be better is not an easy thing to do. Let me rephrase that because “not an easy thing” is an immense understatement. It’s excruciating, agonizing, and every other possible synonym for extremely painful you can think of. So this is a token of gratitude and awe. They’ve made their fair share of mistakes but they’ve done well for the most part.

Now there have been specific individuals in my life to which I owe a lot too. I owe them for keeping me in check, for teaching me different ways of living, for holding on to me, and for always disproving my cynicism. These individuals, know who they are because they are the only few individuals with who I have actual sincere conversations, even if occasionally it IS against my will. They’ve thought me to accept myself and to want to strive to be better.

I also wanted to take this time to apologize. I can be inconsiderate and I have the tendency to be very closed off. Which makes maintaining a relationship of any level difficult. These people could have easily shut me out like I originally tried to do with them and turned their backs on me with no form of remorse because I am a difficult person. I believed that it is okay to be entirely blunt without considering a thousand different variables, that although not applicable to me, might have been a huge consideration in their response to something. And yet, they stuck by me, held my hand while they cried for me, yelled at me, and laughed with me. With no obligation other than the fact that they simply wanted to. So they did.

I’m cynical because historical data validates that this is the most natural response to the majority of the people and to the majority of the world. But these few people, my parents included, have shown me that occasionally it really isn’t all thaaaaaaat bad.

Yours truly,

Latisha.